Make It Happen

Look at me;

I'm not gonna be here for much longer. It's time to get away from this hell. 

I can't make steps forward and I'm not going back either. I'm just stuck here and I can't stay this way. 

I've looked at these four walls with tears all my life. 

It's been and still is tearing me apart. 

I'm going to find a way to be on my own away from here. I don't care how hard it will be to get there.. I'm going to make it happen. I've been in this bubble far too long.This pain, this annoyance has gotten to be too much. 

Constantly I am thinking about them and hoping they are okay but it kills me again and again in the end.

Fuck this, I'm taking steps.. I'm gonna move forward and I don't care about what anyone has to say. This is MY life and it's time I feel happy, genuinely happy in the place I call home/

Make Moves

Life's been pretty interesting lately. 

I started to classes up again recently and as I figured, I'm extremely busy. Still find my ways to spend time with those that I love. 

I haven't been able to go hiking as often and I honestly miss it so much. I just want to take a few days off and spend it in the forest. Alone tho. I think that's what I really need right now. To be alone with God, in the midst of His creation.

My mind has always been at war.. and yes you got it, it's at war as we speak. 

I know what's expected of me, but the pressure is hard.

I'm trying to figure out if that's what I want too.. not just what others want. 

I need to figure things out and make moves cause what I'm facing is something to not mess with.

Sigh, life. 

Man-made

I love the city.

But, I could never live there. Way too much man made.

I'd rather wake up every morning and see God's creation instead of man's.

I hope that one day, God-willing, I will be able to own, with my future spouse, a big piece of land by some mountains.

Our house will be located far away from society. But not too far where we have to travel miles.

I want to be able to hike everyday of my life.

I want to be able to worship God in His creation and in peace.

Theres something about the forest that makes my heart want to sing. 

Stop

Stop

That's what was been ordered and told of me to do. I'm battling this so hard man. It's getting too tough. I've got one foot in the world and the other somewhere else. I've become lukewarm. This is not what I want of my life.

Lord I need You here, I need You. Fill me with You presence. Forgive me for my wrong doings.

He never lets His children stray far away... How great is His love for us

I am a listener

I am a listener.

I've grown up thinking and living that if I ever spoke my mind, it would destroy me. 

So, I keep my ears wide open and my mouth locked up without a key.

This has hurt me but has done the opposite as well.

I've kept everything inside for so long that I am hurting more than I should be.

I almost don't know how to speak at times. Sounds crazy but that's how I've become.

It has helped me become more wise.

As I pay attention, I notice things around me. I am able to take it all in and learn from it all. 

Sometimes it is wise to say nothing at all than to look foolish. 

Not that by speaking is foolish but those who don't take care of their tongue can be foolish..

I am listener because of the pain, but I would rather have it that way because His glory is reigning through my struggles. 

Changed

Life has changed so much since I've last 'blogged'. 

I believe and act differently. I've changed, but all do in time. 

I'm in college now. Plan and hope to transfer to Eastern University in Pennsylvania. 

I still plan on double majoring in history and anthropology.

I dream to travel the world and help all those I encounter. 

I want to breathe the air of new places and keep moving forward;

so staying here for awhile has and is so difficult. 

Ray LaMontagne - Barfly